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In the Name of the King Survival! I don't want to write a complete review of this "movie." Reliving the horror might be too much for me to bear. I did take notes while watching the screen. It gave me something to do while the "actors" stood around and did nothing. First, there were ten other sad and lonely souls in the theater. Only one group of two in the entire place, what a bunch of losers. My first note was "Minas Tirith" and "Isengard underground." The movie borrowed liberally from the imagery of Lord of the Rings, but without any of the inspiration. "Establish emotionlessness." Farmer, the hero played by Jason Statham, had his lack of emotion established early in a scene with his wife, Solana. She wants him to say, "I love you," but he doesn't. This gives Farmer license to show no emotion for the rest of the film, which is great because Statham couldn't show emotion on screen to save his life. He wasn't the only one though. The actors were universally wooden. I didn't care for a single one, which made it a long two hours. "Liberace" which is what Ray Liotta looked like. When I think of menacing villains, Liberace shouldn't be the first name that pops into my head. "Annoying nephew" played by the always annoying Matthew Lillard. I don't know how this guy gets work. He didn't disappoint. His annoying factor was through the roof. "Obvious green screens" throughout the entire movie. You lose a lot of believability when the special effects are so obvious. "Different accents" by many of the people in the movie. You'd think people living in the same village would talk the same, but apparently not. You'd also think they'd use the same type of verbiage, but that wasn't the case either. "NINJAS!" Yes, there were ninjas in the movie. Black clad and deadly in battle. These ninjas worked in groups though, and liked to do flips. Let's see how I did on my prognostication and recommendations: Statham and his ragtag band of heroes will infiltrate the castle and defeat Gallian. One of the heroes will die in the attempt. Order will be restored to the kingdom… for a time. I guarantee the door will be left open for a sequel.****SPOILER ALERT**** I couldn't possible ruin this movie, the creators have already done that for you, but it's only fair that I warn you. The heroes do infiltrate the castle and defeat Gallian. One of the heroes does die in the attempt. Order was restored to the kingdom. I was wrong about an obvious door for a sequel. There wasn't any image of evil surviving, but a sequel wasn't ruled out. I did well. Now let's see how I did on my recommendation. The negatives that can be covered up in a 90-second trailer can't be masked in a 120-minute movie. The actors and the Uwe-Bollness will come through. I'll be brave enough to see this one, but please don't follow my lead. It'll only encourage him.I was dead on with this recommendation. The negatives came through, and the actors and directors flopped. Do not go see this movie. Filed under Musings by Brian - Fri Jan 11, 2008 @ 2:40 PM (Permalink - Discuss) |
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