Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
This week you'll show those losers in Seattle what real dedication is when you
start camping out for Star Wars Episode IX.
Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You suspect that your girlfriend may be onto your money saving scheme when
she declares that she won't break up with you the week before Valentines day,
like you have done for the past 5 years.
Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Don't despair. Your stolen laptop's hard drive was formatted before the thieves
fenced it. No one will ever know how large your Power Puff Girls porn collection
is.
Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
While not gaining as much national attention as AOL, your lawsuit against Microsoft
for an illegal system fault that destroyed your term paper gets you a spot
on page 9 of the Garden City Gazette.
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Unfortunately the explosion of interest in everything "nano" will
not result in a career in the porn industry for you. Apparently size does matter.
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You will realize that buy and hold is an admirable investment strategy. Your
choice to hold only Enron and Kmart stock means you still have a bit to learn
about diversification. |
Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Open firing on ski terrorists with rifles might seemed like a good idea, until
you realize that the Winter Olympics were in town and those were just bi-athletes.
Oops.
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
A massive ICQ crackdown in your company will force a return
to the simpler times of minesweeper and solitaire.
Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You feel a closer camaraderie with President Bush after you choke and pass
out too. Of course you passed out first then choked, and it was your own vomit
and not a pretzel, but that's just being picky.
Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You are stunned when your boss calls you at home to inform you that it is only
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and not Martin Luther King, Jr. Week as
you had thought.
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your Internet friends will file a missing person report with the authorities
when you aren't seen online for over 72 hours. They are peeved but relieved
by your return when they learn it was only work and family obligations that
kept you offline.
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You return your speech-to-text software when instead of downloading that "neat-o
file swapping" software you end up with that "pedophile swapping" software.
The FBI's not buying your excuse this time. |
