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    Jack is a pretty average guy. Average except every word that comes out of his mouth is tainted with sarcasm. His constant interaction with computers has left him somewhat lacking when dealing with human beings, and so Jack has a severely underdeveloped sense of tact.
    His job is trivial enough that he has a hard time focusing while at work. Instead, he spends his days posting to various forums, playing video games, and avoiding his supervisors with uncanny success. If you asked Jack what his job actually is... he probably couldn't tell you.

    CJ likes beer. So much, in fact that he brews his own. He stopped working normal jobs and started brewing beer full time. Now he pulls down a respectable salary by sleeping on the couch all day, swilling his own brew, and playing video games while his two employees make the beer in his bedroom.
    CJ is about as laid back as a person can get without being dead. The only thing that keeps him busy is his need to create mischief, typically in the form of breaking records for obscure things like: most elderly hit with spitballs on moving bus before the 9th Street exit.

    Ned used to live across the hall until a mysterious fire swept through his apartment. He's since moved in with Jack and CJ and has been wholly unprepared for living with two such unique fellows. As the only true voice of reason in the apartment, Ned usually has his work cut out for him.
    Ned's job is in all forms identical to Jack's job. However, Ned actually works at his job. He has to provide technical support to the "electronically challenged" for eight hours a day, and so he tends to be a bit more tightly wound than most. Jack and CJ have decided to take it upon themselves to push Ned to the edge of sanity and beyond.

    Smitty has the misfortune of living next to Jack and CJ. He's an easy-going guy and slow to anger, and those are probably the only reasons that he hasn't killed the neighbors yet. Somehow, despite his efforts to stay clear of the two, he always gets pulled into their schemes, typically without his knowledge or consent.
    Smitty has the resources to outsmart Jack and CJ, but he lacks the devious nature. Instead, he logs anonymously onto their game servers and virtually beats them silly.
    Because of their common antagonists, Smitty and Ned get along very well.

    Mr. Tickles is Ned's cat. He graduated from Yale with a law degree, but instead of starting his own firm he decided to just sit around, read comic books, and think of ways to kill CJ and Jack.
    In his spare time he plays endless amounts of N64 games, hoping to "power up" and acquire the ever elusive "extra lives". He doesn't know N64 sucks.

    Molly lives on the sixth floor with her folks and their transforming guinea pig named Devon. Her hobbies are dismembering dolls, extortion, armed robbery, and playing Pokemon. She's five and a half and for her sixth birthday she wants her two front teeth and a fully automatic H&K G3A3 with 30X scope, molded handgrip, and a three round trigger group.

    Mrs. Floris Dortmeyer lives on the fifth floor with her cats. She was born in 1904, and most people speculate she died in 1983. She owns -at last count- 148 cats, most of which are named "Mittens" since it's easy for her to remember. Mrs. Dortmeyer has a quick wit when she remembers to take her medication. Otherwise she's just another certifiable loon.
    It is rumored that in her younger days, Mrs. Dortmeyer trained many a famous Jedi.

All images 2000, P. Fabian