BBspot


Archives
 
BBlog
Happy Thanksgiving and a BBeliever Daily Links - 11/10/11 Daily Links - 11/2/11
BBloopers
Fun at Sea
Football Fans
Great College
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
PC Weenies
The Neverending Story
Gratuity Not Included
Uptime Downtime
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
[H]ard Folding Team
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Tuesday December 14  8:34 PM EST

Could You Be a Microsoft
Compliance Officer?

By Brian Briggs

To apply for the job of compliance officer on the oversight committee you must first agree to the licensing terms below. Please read the licensing agreement and click the appropriate link at the bottom of the page. Thank you.

COMPLIANCE OFFICER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR MICROSOFT CONSENT DECREE

IMPORTANT: READ CAREFULLY - These Microsoft Corporation ("Microsoft") consent decrees are subject to the terms and conditions of the agreement under which you have licensed employment at Microsoft (a "Compliance Officer License Agreement" or "COLA"). BY ACCEPTING EMPLOYMENT, INTERVIEWING OR OTHERWISE THINKING ABOUT THE CONSENT DECREE, YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THE MICROSOFT COLA. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND CONDITIONS YOU CANNOT BECOME A COMPLIANCE OFFICER AND CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY WE'RE GOING TO BE REAL BASTARDS ABOUT THIS.

NOTE: YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS UNDER THIS COLA.

Capitalized and uncapitalized words and phrases used in this Supplemental COLA and not otherwise defined herein shall have the meanings assigned to them by Microsoft.

General. The employment that is provided to you by Microsoft to oversee, advise, or enforce the existing consent decree against Microsoft grants you a license to use the Consent Decree under the terms and conditions of the Microsoft COLA (which are hereby incorporated by reference). To the extent that any terms in this Microsoft COLA conflict with terms of the Consent Decree, the terms of this COLA control solely with respect to the Compliance Officer.

Additional Rights and Limitations.

* Microsoft may at any time monitor and block any communications with any Attorneys General, Justice Department officials or any other officer of the court in regards to compliance violations.

* The licensee will be confined to a 6' X 6' "cubicle" at the Microsoft headquarters and will receive updates on our compliance to the consent decree on a daily basis. The licensee will be prohibited from modifying these Compliance Updates and will forward them onto the court unaltered.

* Any failure of compliance discovered by the compliance officer must first be reported to Microsoft who will correct the problem in a reasonable about of time. Since we're going to fix the problem there really shouldn't be any reason to report the violation, right?

*The licensee cannot be cloned, copied or reproduced by any mechanical, electronic, or biological means.

EXCLUSION OF INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL AND CERTAIN OTHER DAMAGES. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL MICROSOFT BE LIABLE FOR ANY BANKRUPTCY OF COMPETITION, COMPLIANCE OFFICER DISMEMBERMENT, OR ANY OTHER FINANCIAL OR PHYSICAL INJURY THAT MAY RESULT FROM VIOLATION OF THE CONSENT DECREE.

LIMITATION OF LIABILITY AND REMEDIES. SHALL BE LIMITED TO THE AMOUNT OF U.S.$5.00. THE FOREGOING LIMITATIONS, EXCLUSIONS AND DISCLAIMERS SHALL APPLY TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, OR AS LONG AS OUR MONEY FOR LAWYERS HOLDS OUT EVEN IF ANY REMEDY FAILS ITS ESSENTIAL PURPOSE.

I agree to the terms of this COLA / I do not agree to the terms of this COLA

More Features

Recommend this Story to a Friend

 
 
RSS Feed Subscribe
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

sharepoint survey web part - make money online

Copyright 1999-2011 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.