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Friday, July 27 12:00 AM EDT

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You may think that Satan has possessed your computer this week, but it's only a corrupted DLL. At least that's what Satan told me.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
Finaly those old computing magazines you've kept for years will come in handy Since you've been laid off and evicted, you can use them to make a nice shelter.  WIRED magazine covers will make lovely psychedelic wallpaper.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Being a vegetarian has become a lot harder since you've given up meat.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Inspired by "Buzz Beer" of the Drew Carey show, you attempt to create "beer-flavored coffee". Unfortunately, pouring 40oz bottles of Olde English into your automatic drip is ruining your coffee maker.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your bologna has a first name, but the ladies don't seem to care.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You catch the family feline at your computer, and she's been up to no good. Her IRC handle is "CutePussy47".

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Though your friends recommended you break up with your girlfriend in-person, you opted to instant-message her. Besides, you'd never met her in-person.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
It might be harder to explain your "My wife's a bitch." t-shirt than you first assumed.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
While visiting your mother to offer some tech-support, you find that she's set the new world record for the number of system-tray icons, topping out at 217. She doesn't even know what the "Start" button is for.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Your record for playing Diablo II online for 72 hours straight truly impresses your friends.  Unfortunately your honeymoon might not have been the best time to set the record.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You realize your choice of tech support as a career may have been a bad move as talking to customers is a job requirement.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Until science figures out what that red mark on your forehead is, you better not pick at it.

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