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Friday, September 7 12:00 AM EDT

Aug 23 - Sept 22
You are struck by a spark of inspiration this week. That stack of papers on your desk won't disappear by just staring at it, you'll need a butane torch to finish that job.

Sep 23 - Oct 23
You thought sending your child to a computer summer school would be rewarding, but you'll be horrified to know that she's now exchanging "love e-mails" with a Mac user.

Oct 24 - Nov 21
You rejoice that HP is buying Compaq. Maybe they can recycle that piece of crap Presario you've got into a decent printer.

Nov 22 - Dec 21
Better stock up on the beer. The news of Microsoft not being broken up will hit your Linux Users Group rather hard.

Dec 22 - Jan 19
You'll be surprised to find out that your workers comp. request was denied. Apparently, not being able to visit at work isn't a disability.

Jan 20 - Feb 18
Travelling nurtures the soul, and raises the spirit. Get your lazy ass off that chair and journey to the shower.

Feb 19 - Mar 20
It's past the US Labor Day, and you know what that means: Don't make webpages with white backgrounds for the rest of the year.

Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your son will get sent home with a pink slip from school for playing with his "Pocket PC" in class. You're even MORE dismayed when you find out that it was no euphemism -- he actually DOES own a PDA with Microsoft Pocket PC.

Apr 20 - May 20
The discovery of a giant black hole at the center of the universe provides great relief for you. It's not just your life that sucks but the whole galaxy.

May 21 - June 21
You told your boss, "Yeah, I can do DNS on Windows 2000". Unfortunately, you find that in this case, DNS also seems to stand for "doesn't need sleep".

June 22 - July 22
You return from your month long vacation rested and refreshed. Unfortunately you also find your self jobless as you aren't the President and you only get 2 weeks vacation.

July 23 - Aug 22
The check for your banner revenue miraculously showed up, and all your financial woes are solved. You can now afford that new bio-tech interface, and surf hands-free.

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