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Friday, October 19 12:00 AM EDT

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
A white powdery substance on your shoulders evacuates your office this week and leaves you in the hands of the CDC. It was probably the wrong week to stop using your dandruff shampoo.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Don't listen to Lenny in accounting about that command. "Format C:" does NOT save the year-end settlement reports.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You begin to suspect that you aren't well liked by your co-workers when you begin finding unwelcome hints. The evil glares and rude hand gestures were fairly subtle, but the hanging effigy of you has made you suspicious.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Well, it turns out that Jerry is not the bosses "son". Her name is Jerri, but we agree, the back hair was misleading.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You mistakenly assume that no one will notice if you take the office copy machine home and end up getting reprimanded. Next time wait until after the boss is done using it.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your girlfriend saw your receipt for purchasing "Windows XP". You tried to convince her that "Windows XP" is an adult film title, but she knows better. You're in trouble, mister.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You will decide that eating an entire bag of Doritos in one sitting is all you can do to fight terrorism this week.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
The future doesn't look too bright. And the glow-in-the-dark face on your Timex is becoming unreadable. Better burrow further into the mountain.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
It doesn't look good for you in this week's Survivor pool. "I don't give a rat's ass" probably won't get voted off.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You should think twice about purchasing a glove-like input device. Despite what you've read on Slashdot, they've not yet been integrated with force-feedback technology, so your idea of full-immersion Pamela Anderson fantasy will have to wait for another day.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Your honeymoon in Jamaica will be cut short when your new wife discovers you brought along your PDA. "Not right now, I'm checking my mail" are your famous last words.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
A year ago your band's name didn't seem like such a bad idea, but OBL's Anthrax Squad might not be the best title these days.

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