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Around the World - Linus Torvalds announced yesterday that the Linux
Kernel 2.4 will be delayed. He blamed the delay on interference from
Microsoft's Army of Evil Monkeys. The army has been disrupting
the lives of key Linux programmers, and in some cases destroying
portions of code. Torvalds himself has been a victim of several
Evil Monkey attacks.
 Steve Ballmer denied any involvement by Microsoft in the matter. "We
did receive the Army of Evil Monkeys when we purchased
evil from Satan, but those monkeys are only temporary employees
and not actual employees of Microsoft. Whatever they do on
their own time is their business."
If the accusations prove to be true, then this could have a major
effect on the Justice Department's anti-trust case against Microsoft. Joel
Klein said, "If this story is accurate, then this is just one
more example of how Microsoft is using its monopoly power to stifle
competition."
"It has been horrible," said Linux programmer Rob
Timmons, "the evil monkeys were everywhere. Trashing my
computer, [defecating] in my bed. I lost several days worth
of work."
Internal Microsoft e-mails obtained by BBspot tell of a secret monkey
training ground where monkeys are trained to seek out and harass
Linux programmers. The only comments from Bill Gates have been, "Fly
my pretty, fly!"
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