Phoenix, AZ - The Have-A-Dream Foundation has named rapper Eminem
to its newly created position of Chief Wish-Denier. The move
comes after critics claimed the organization has been spending too
much money granting dreams to children with life threatening diseases.
"Sure making critically
sick children's dreams come true is a pretty good cause, but it's
expensive. So we are cutting down on the number of dreams we
grant. Who better than Eminem to tell terminally ill children
that they can't have their wish," said Have-A-Dream Vice Chair
Many think that Eminem may not be up to the task, that his
raps dissing people from Christina Aguilera to his own mom are all
just an act. Little Kelly Smith, who has been given just a
few more months to live, disagrees, "I won't get to visit the
Grand Canyon like I always dreamed, but being told by Eminem that
I was a 'whiney little bitch' was just as good."
"I wanted to go to see the Yankees at the World Series," said
leukemia sufferer Timmy Johnson, "but Eminem told me that I
was gonna die soon anyway so why bother? It was pretty cool." The
Have-A-Dream Foundation saved over $7,000 on those two wish denials
Eminem has also written a song to be used in the new Have-A-Dream
ad campaign that publicizes their wish-denial efforts:
What a little kiddy in the wheelchair?
Going to Disney World?
No way, uh-uh, not going there.
I think I'm givin' you a push over a cliff, cause
Your mom is on my lips,
Your mom is on my lips.
And there ain't no way you gonna get your wish.
Little Tina wants to go see NSYNC instead,
Think again, you idiot, NSYNC is dead.
Why you wanna go see them anyway,
Didn't you realize NSYNC is gay?
What did Slim Shady just say?.
Say yes to your wish?
Uh-uh, no way.
You can download my audio on MP3,
But you ain't getting no wish from me.
In reaction to Eminem's newest rap, NSYNC categorically
denied that they are dead.
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