Saturday July 22  11:31 PM EDT

Apple Unveils New Macs To
Satisfy Mac "Lovers"

By Brian Briggs

New York - At the MacWorld Expo today, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, unveiled the new dMac and vMac to satisfy the needs of Mac "lovers" everywhere.

"Yet again, Apple is breaking new ground in personal computer design," said Jobs, "For so long people have come up to me and said, 'Steve, when are you going to DMacmake a Mac that I can have sex with.'  That time is now."  In addition to the dMac and vMac,  Jobs also announced that Apple will be releasing the biMac.

The vMac, based on female anatomy, comes with  "iHole" technology while the dMac (pictured) comes equipped with "iPole" technology.  The biMac, also known as the "Pole and Hole" by Apple engineers, combines both technologies.

"We really focussed on ergonomics when designing these systems.  With the 17 degree tilt of the computers, these should be comfortable for users of all shapes and sizes," said Apple engineer Marian Cho.  "We also realized that users may be uncomfortable having their private parts near such high voltages, so safety was also a top priority."

The new Macs really created quite a buzz around the exhibition hall at MacWorld.  "Ever since the Apple IIe I've  been waiting for this day," said long time Apple user Calvin Bishop, "I can't wait to get my hands on the vMac and show it some sweet loving."  One female attendee, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "I tried it out and my husband will be getting the divorce papers on Wednesday."

The dMac, vMac, and biMac are powered by 500 MHz G3 processors, 128 MB of RAM, 10 GB Ultra ATA hard drive, DVD-ROM drive and 15" CRT display.  The dMac and biMac are also available in extended versions.

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