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Santa Clara - No one thought that last year's craze of inter-aural
cellphone implants and inter-cranial pagers could be topped, but
they were wrong. This year, the cutting edge executive is surgically
implanting her Palm Pilot directly onto her hand. Just a few
skin grafts and four screws, and the useless left hand now becomes
a highly efficient PDA holder.
 The Palm Pilot Implant surgery
was developed jointly by Palm, Inc. and Johns Hopkins Medical Center
after extensive market research by Palm revealed a strong demand.
"Several executives complained about losing their PDA, dropping
their Palm Pilot or thieves stealing their Palm Pilot. At Palm
we reacted to this customer feedback by perfecting the Subdermal
Palm Pilot Insertion technique along with surgeons at Johns Hopkins. Now
it would take a machete wielding madman to get your Palm away from
you."
Another benefit of the implant is that there is no more waiting
for your Palm Pilot to recharge. The Palm Pilot Implant uses
a system of bio-electric cells to get power from the hand itself. While
a little tingling may be felt because of the process, it does have
the positive effect of burning calories.
The initial feedback from the field has been very positive. Harold
Selby, President of Selby Communications said, "Sure the surgery
is extremely painful, and it makes it a little harder to hold a golf
club, but it looks really cool and I've lost 3 pounds by recharging
it myself." Geoff Duncan of Kemlo Marketing said, "I
used to have to reach for my Palm V in my shirt pocket. That cost
me about 10 seconds of time. Now I just look at my left palm and
BAM!!! I've never been more productive."
Now that stock options as a perk have lost their luster, many companies
are searching for new benefits they can offer their employees. New
college grads have put Palm Pilot Implants at the top of their list
for perks they are looking for in a job. Many won't even consider
a job unless a Palm Pilot Implant is part of the benefits package.
The first surgeries performed have been permanent, but Doctors are
working on ways to make the Palm Pilot removable so upgrading to
a new system will be less painful. Implants are compatible
with both right- and left-handed people.
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