Washington DC - Al Gore announced today his plan to supply drugs
to senior citizens today using funds from Medicare.
"As I travel across this great land of ours, there is one constant
message I am hearing from senior citizens," said Gore, "and
that is 'We want free drugs'."
"That is why my plan
will give each American over 65 free Maui-wowie over a 12 month period. This
will stimulate their appetite which will increase their food consumption
which will be good for America's farmers in the heartland. My
opponents drug plan is limited to prescription drugs. Let me
tell you, fancy prescription drugs only benefit the wealthy drug
companies, doctors and pharmacists. My plan will help bring more
jobs to the lower income families in our inner cities."
"This isn't another entitlement program," continued Gore, "After
a 12 month period the free drugs stop. However, we think at that
time seniors will be able to find a way to score their own."
Federally funded distribution centers will be set up around the
country, with the main distribution center being located in Chappaqua,
The proposal does have it's critics. "Gore's plan is
all wrong," said Colombian President Andres Pastrana Arango, "How
will citizens be motivated enough to acquire their own drugs after
12 months of marijuana? Crack would be a better motivator."
Also critical of the plan is 19 year old Tammy Goldberg, "I
spent $100 bucks getting my fake ID saying I was 21. Now I'm
going to have to spend $100 bucks getting one saying I'm 65. Is
that fair to America's youth?"
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