BBspot


Archives
 
BBlog
Happy Thanksgiving and a BBeliever Daily Links - 11/10/11 Daily Links - 11/2/11
BBloopers
Fun at Sea
Football Fans
Great College
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
PC Weenies
The Neverending Story
Gratuity Not Included
Uptime Downtime
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
[H]ard Folding Team
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Thursday  September 28  1:07 PM EDT

Larry Ellison Exercises Jerk Options

By Brian Briggs

Redwood City, CA - CEO of Oracle Larry Ellison today exercised 45 Jerk Options today.  Most people just assume that Ellison is just a jerk by nature, few know that the Jerk Options are part of Ellison's compensation package and he has close to 19,000,000 of them.

Ellison started the day by berating several employees for only working 16 hours a day, and telling them they were fired only to say "Just kidding" moments later.  "My heart stopped when he said I was fired," said Phil Kostakos, "cause I got a wife andJust Exercising His Option three kids to support. I was so relieved when I realized Larry was just using his Jerk Options."

Executive Assistant Louise Yang was another lucky recipient, "Larry asked who the picture of the fat kid was on my desk.  I told him it was my son and he just laughed and said, 'Figures,  you cow, MOOOOO!!' I was in tears for hours."

"He made me do 50 push-ups because my initials are MS", said software engineer Matt Stipe.  "What a jerk."

Normally Ellison only exercises between 10-20 Jerk Options a day, but after placing second to Bill Gates in the Forbes "Richest People in America" list Ellison couldn't help but share the wealth.

"Saying I was an ugly, unemployed, overweight virgin was true but pretty harsh," said former database architect Sam Hillson, "but wearing my 'You're #2' shirt was probably asking for it,"

Ellison said, "A lot of stress comes with being the CEO of Oracle. The Jerk Options are a simple way to relieve some of that stress.  Our employees understand that it's all just part of my compensation."  Ellison added that if he doesn't use them, he will lose them and he plans on using them all.

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Previous Story:

Microsoft: The Next 25 Years
Next Story:

Blue Screen of Death Wanted in Murder of Overclocker

 
 
RSS Feed Subscribe
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Google Buzz Follow Us on Buzz
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

sharepoint survey web part - make money online

Copyright 1999-2011 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.