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Thursday, January 4 12:01 AM EST

Amazon.com New Logo
Sure to Increase Sales

By Brian Briggs

Seattle, WA - Online retail giant Amazon.com unveiled it's new corporate logo today, and while most logo redesigns only bring intangible benefits, Amazon expects that its new logo will directly affect its bottom line.

"We encourage everyone to check out the new logo.   Stare at it for a while, maybe 4 or 5 minutes, and give us your feedback," said CEO Jeff Bezos.  "We feel confident that after you do, you won't feel the need to do your online shopping anywhere else."

Hypno LogoAmazon.com

 

"This is just an extension of our sophisticated recommendation software," continued Bezos, "Before we gave customers choices of what they think they might like.  Now we are able to tell them what they will like and make sure they buy it."

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the logo to market analysts in a closed door meeting at Amazon headquarters.  Afterwards the group raved about the company.  "In my opinion Amazon is the best company in the history of American business.  I've raised my rating from Hold to Completely Destroy the Market," said Bill Fitch of Goldman Sachs.  Other analysts in attendance also echoed Mr. Fitch's enthusiasm for the stock.

Merrill Lynch analyst Tamara Goldthwait said, "In my opinion Amazon is the best company in the history of American business.  I'm raising my rating from a Hold to a Strong Buy or Die."

Extensive testing in focus groups noted an increase in the sales conversion rate.   In users shopping on the site with the old logo only 1.3% actually made purchases.   In the group exposed to the new logo 98% of the customers made purchases, with an average purchase total of $1,678.

Jill Thompson who was in the focus group with the new logo said, "I don't really remember making the purchases, but in my opinion Amazon is the best company in the history of American business."  She then did a pirouette and flapped her arms like a chicken.

Amazon also plans to patent its logo claiming that while the Home Shopping Network has utilized such marketing on television, it's the first time anyone has ever developed Hypno-Shopping on the web.

Amazon's stock was up 150 points on the news.

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