Tuesday, January 23 12:01 AM EST

God Creates Universe in Seven Days,
Perl Gods Not Impressed

By Brian Briggs

Boulder, CO - Self proclaimed Perl God Merrill Wallman says he is unimpressed by God's feat of creating the universe in seven days.  "That's nothing I once coded a custom Apache module over a weekend, but I didn't rest on Sunday like that slacker, God.  I haven't had seven days to complete a project in years, and God got one day of rest?  What a lazy ass.  He didn't even have to give status reports."

The God of PerlWallman also noted that "God obviously didn't debug, hasn't done any maintenance, and no documentation can be found. Truly amateur work."

Other Perl deities like Chris Kosman were also unimpressed, "I've seen nothing of God's work that compares to the Schwartzian Transform. And the simplicity of the Fisher-Yates shuffle is unequalled.  God could have saved a day or two if he'd just used some simple OOP and recursive functions.  I mean, who really writes procedural-oriented stuff these days anyhow?"

Kosman continued, "And 'Hey, God!?' there's a MODULE for assembling nucleic proteins and amino acids.  Try 'Use Biology::DNA'.  These amateurs always try to re-invent the wheel.  And that platypus... could only be the result of unorganized spaghetti code.  Next time try running your code with '-w' and 'use strict'.  Then that sort of stuff won't happen.  I could go on for days."

God was not available for comment but did release this statement through a spokesperson:

I'm not sure who those Perl 'bozos' are but they better watch it.  It was my first project and I think I did pretty well given my experience.  And yes, I turned on 'taint mode', when I created woman from that rib.  Will you people ever give it up?

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