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Washington DC - "I'm shocked, and delighted, I mean, wow, Best
Dressed!" an excited Clinton exclaimed after learning that she
had been voted "Best Dressed" by her colleagues in the
senate on Friday. Political Analysts had been predicting a long,
drawn out battle over the Senate Superlative votes this week, but
in a surprising move, bipartisanship ruled the roost when tallying
began.
 "What can I say, the woman is a
snazzy dresser," Strom Thurmond (R-SC) said after the announcement
had been made, "style is not Democratic or Republican." Thurmond
himself was named "Most Likely to Die," narrowly beating
out Jesse Helms (R-NC).
The question still remains, however, over whether President Bush
will sign off on the superlatives, which includes some daring choices.
While Clinton and Thurmond were not big surprises, Trent Lott, senate
majority leader, eked out enough votes for 'Sweetest Smile.' Many
believe Lott won 'Smile' because some senators canceled themselves
out by being considered in more than one category. "A lot of
senators' aides made big mistakes by spreading themselves too thin" said
Allen Bunch, political analyst, "look at John Edwards, he completely
lost out." Edwards (D-NC), a very popular senator, could have
easily gotten 'Sweetest Smile,' 'Senate Dreamboat,' or 'Most Likely
to Succeed,' but the Edwards camp couldnšt settle on which he should
get.
"Sure, I can totally see Sen. Kennedy as 'Biggest Partier'
and Jesse Helms as 'Meanest,' but to say Trent Lott has the sweetest
smile shows that there are some serious problems with how the senate
goes about selecting the superlatives," said Betty Mason, President
of NUESS, Nitpickers United for Effective Superlative Selection.
Orin Hatch responded to criticisms about voting procedure by showing
unyielding support for Lott: "to say Trent Lott does not have
a sweet smile, well, that is just inaccurate. When that man walks
in the room it is like the sunshine has come to visit."
President Bush called the choices "interesting," and told
reporters that all the winners "have good hearts."
"I am humbled to have been given a list of the superlatives,
Išm very gracious of that." Bush did express disappointment
that his dog Spot was not nominated for anything, apparently unaware
that Spot was not a senator. "Oh well," he said after being
corrected by the Vice-President, "maybe next year."
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