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Wednesday, March 2112:01 AM EST

Mir Hits Taco Bell, Kills Four

By Brandon Dean

Sydney, Australia - In a stunning display of irony last Friday, the Mir Space Station came crashing down upon an Australian Taco Bell killing four people and putting 19 people out of work.

Oops!"It was amazing, mate," said Mikey Gladstone a local resident who witnessed the spectacular crash, "I was driving me four-by to get me a Chalupa, when suddenly the Sheila working the winda was gone, and I was looking right at the hammer n'sickle emblem on the side of that there spaceship."

Mr. Gladstone's empty stomach wasn't the only casualty.  Lissette Foster, James "Hamster" Dundee, Ollie Stovach, and Collette "Barbie" Shrimpmeister, all Taco Bell employees, were killed on impact.  There are 19 other Taco Bell employees now out of work. Mick Croc, a surviving employee, tells his story, "I went outside to toss some garbage in the dumpster, and when I turned around the store was gone.   I was like, 'Where's the store'?  At first I thought Ollie was just pulling my leg again, but then I realized that it would be awfully hard to move the store that quickly. Even for Ollie."  Mr. Croc, a father of 12, is not too concerned about his lack of employment, "I can always go back to wrestling crocs."

The irony of this tragedy is that Taco Bell Incorporated, in a wild publicity stunt, placed a 144 square meter target in the ocean near where the station was expected to land, and offered every American a free taco if "Mir rings our bell." Mike Stapelton, Vice President of Taco Bell said, "We are saddened by the loss of our employees, even if they are Australian. We were assured that the space station could not possibly hit our target. Apparently we were advised correctly."

William Ailor, director of the Aerospace Corp.'s Centre for Orbital Re-entry Debris Studies, advised that no one thought the space station would hit land.  It was expected to land in the ocean somewhere in an area 200km wide and 6000km long between New Zealand and Chile.  He told Larry King, "Heck, you figure the Earth is two-thirds water. What are the odds that the thing is actually going to hit land?"   When asked what the odds actually are his reply was, "Apparently a lot higher than we thought.  This whole area of science is somewhat 'hit and miss' you know."  When asked why the station did not disintegrate upon re-entry, as expected, Mr. Ailor replied, "You know with all the things we had to think about, you think we would have remembered there was Teflon coating on that sucker.  It was hard to remember, and well, all the manuals were in Russian. I don't actually read Russian all that well."

Russian president, Vladimir Putin, stated, "All in all we are calling the whole ordeal a success.  Sure, we could have done better, but at least no-one got hurt."  Upon being advised of the four deaths he said, "At least we only hit Australia.  Could you imagine what would have happened if we had hit a real country?"

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