Sydney, Australia - In a stunning display of irony last Friday,
the Mir Space Station came crashing down upon an Australian Taco
Bell killing four people and putting 19 people out of work.
"It was amazing, mate," said Mikey Gladstone a local resident
who witnessed the spectacular crash, "I was driving me four-by
to get me a Chalupa, when suddenly the Sheila working the winda was
gone, and I was looking right at the hammer n'sickle emblem on the
side of that there spaceship."
Mr. Gladstone's empty stomach wasn't the only casualty. Lissette
Foster, James "Hamster" Dundee, Ollie Stovach, and Collette "Barbie" Shrimpmeister,
all Taco Bell employees, were killed on impact. There are 19
other Taco Bell employees now out of work. Mick Croc, a surviving
employee, tells his story, "I went outside to toss some garbage
in the dumpster, and when I turned around the store was gone. I
was like, 'Where's the store'? At first I thought Ollie was
just pulling my leg again, but then I realized that it would be awfully
hard to move the store that quickly. Even for Ollie." Mr.
Croc, a father of 12, is not too concerned about his lack of employment, "I
can always go back to wrestling crocs."
The irony of this tragedy is that Taco Bell Incorporated, in a wild
publicity stunt, placed a 144 square meter target in the ocean near
where the station was expected to land, and offered every American
a free taco if "Mir rings our bell." Mike Stapelton, Vice
President of Taco Bell said, "We are saddened by the loss of
our employees, even if they are Australian. We were assured that
the space station could not possibly hit our target. Apparently we
were advised correctly."
William Ailor, director of the Aerospace Corp.'s Centre for Orbital
Re-entry Debris Studies, advised that no one thought the space station
would hit land. It was expected to land in the ocean somewhere
in an area 200km wide and 6000km long between New Zealand and Chile. He
told Larry King, "Heck, you figure the Earth is two-thirds water.
What are the odds that the thing is actually going to hit land?" When
asked what the odds actually are his reply was, "Apparently
a lot higher than we thought. This whole area of science is
somewhat 'hit and miss' you know." When asked why the
station did not disintegrate upon re-entry, as expected, Mr. Ailor
replied, "You know with all the things we had to think about,
you think we would have remembered there was Teflon coating on that
sucker. It was hard to remember, and well, all the manuals
were in Russian. I don't actually read Russian all that well."
Russian president, Vladimir Putin, stated, "All in all we are
calling the whole ordeal a success. Sure, we could have done
better, but at least no-one got hurt." Upon being advised
of the four deaths he said, "At least we only hit Australia. Could
you imagine what would have happened if we had hit a real country?"
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