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Friday, April 6 12:01 AM EST

Aliens Use DMCA to Sue Air
Force Over UFOs

By Brian Briggs

Washington DC. - In a shocking story today, aliens from the Messier galaxy filed a lawsuit against the United States Air Force. Citing the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), the aliens are claiming the Air Force is violating federal copyright laws by reverse engineering their UFOs.

Reverse engineering is the act of taking an existing product and determining how it works by disassembling it and observing its behavior. Once a perfectly legal activity, reverse engineering can now possibly be illegal under certain DMCA provisions.

Richard Ludwig, attorney for the aliens, said "My clients believe that the Air Force is actively destroying the value of my client's proprietary technology, and demand that this activity cease immediately."

The Air Force does not seem worried about the impending litigation. Col. Bob Rend, Air Force Director of Public Affairs, said, "We deny ever having UFOs, much less reverse engineering them. Even if we did [reverse engineer], we would have done it during the 50's and 60's, long before the DMCA was law. We haven't touched those UFOs in years." Col. Rend quickly added, "I mean if we had any UFOs we wouldn't have touched those UFOs in years."

Richard Ludwig rebuffed that defense saying, "We have evidence to believe that the activity is ongoing. Besides, the intellectual property we're trying to protect deals with space-time manipulation. Therefore, it would be impossible to say, with any certainty, that any past activity isn't, in fact, happening right now, or any future activity for that matter."

Col. Rend emphatically denied these allegations with an incredulous, "What?"

Mr. Ludwig also stated, "We currently don't seek any monetary compensation, we just wish the reverse engineering to cease. However, if the Air Force - or any entity that the Air Force is affiliated with - uses this technology to defend against an alien invasion, we will sue for damages incurred. These damages include, but are not limited to, property damages and loss of revenue. This would end up costing everyone involved a great deal, which is something we ultimately wish to avoid."

When asked for his opinion on the matter, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft said, "Yes, the aliens do have a possible case here. Also, the aliens could very well sue for damages if their attack was in any way impeded by the Air Force's use of alien technology. Let's face it, the Air Force couldn't defend against aliens using UFO technology and claim it to be fair use. In case you're wondering, a good example of fair use would be using UFO technology to evacuate high ranking cabinet officials."

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