At a hastily convened press conference Bill Gates announced that
he personally thinks that "Linux is the best OS ever."
He added, "Mundie and Ballmer are
idiots. Their talk about how open source software damages
intellectual property or how Linux is a cancer, is moronic. When
I heard these attacks I felt sick to my stomach. How could
a company that I poured my blood, sweat and tears into spread these
untruths? My conscience guides me, that's why I'm before
Gates then went on for fifteen minutes explaining
why Linux was superior to all other computer operating systems
- "especially Windows."
During the question and answer period that followed
many reporters openly questioned Gates sanity and sobriety. "Have
you gone mad?", "Are you drunk?", "What about
Windows XP," they asked. Though it was requested several
times Gates refused both a psychiatric examination and a breathalyzer
Scores of Linux web sites were quick to declare victory
with headlines like, "Torvalds Defeats Gates!" Others
were more hesitant, and suspected a Microsoft conspiracy. Open
source advocate Bruce Torman said, "Microsoft is at it again!
Bashing...er...praising Linux. This argument that Linux is the
best OS ever is just another red herring by the Microsoft PR machine. Aw
screw it, I don't know what the hell to make of it."
In addition to praising Linux as the best operating
system ever, Gates also had some critical comments of Microsoft's
flagship OS. "I never really liked Windows all that
much," said Gates, "All that crashing and rebooting drove
me nuts. I stopped using it about 3 years ago, but it was
a pretty good money maker for the company so we stuck with it." And continued with a confusing explanation of a recent car donation he made.
Gates added, "Keep in mind that the opinions offered are my own personal opinions, and do not necessarily reflect
the opinions of Microsoft."
A Microsoft marketing representative was heard muttering, "You
got that right."
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