The court battle between the RIAA and Napster is nearing a resolution
as US District Judge Marilyn Hall Patel during a closed door session
today gave the go ahead for the RIAA to launch a nuclear strike against
the Napster servers.
Judge Patel said, "I see it as the final solution to this ongoing
problem. There might be some lives lost but at least it will guarantee
that no copyrighted songs escape their servers."
Napster lawyers chuckled
when the RIAA suggested a nuclear strike. "We thought they were
joking but then Judge Patel said it was a good idea and signed the
order. We weren't laughing anymore. We pleaded that human lives had
to be more important than copyrighted songs, but the Judge disagreed."
Ironically Dr. Dre and Metallica who just settled their lawsuits,
were at Napster when the strike occurred and were evaporated. Fortunately
no musicians were harmed in the attack.
One member of a group of song pirates gathered at a Seattle Starbucks
said, "Arrr matey. We didn't even notice ye olde
Napster was gone. Arrr."
An RIAA lawyer said, "If one song makes it out of the Napster
servers that could have a deleterious effect on the artist. That's
why we bombed Napster into oblivion. Next we will be petitioning
the court for permission to launch strikes against former Napster
He continued, "If that doesn't work we've petitioned the court
to have the FBI sent in."
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