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Washington DC - The Free Speech Protection Act [FSPA] ensures free
speech by encrypting the first amendment and only allowing properly
licensed corporations and individuals to use it. Funding to
develop the encryption is being generated by auctions of these free
speech licenses. Use of free speech without a license would be punishable
by heavy fines and 5-10 years in federal prison.
 "Every American wants and deserves
free speech. It's a competitive advantage for the USA. We
don't want countries like China to get a hold of our first amendment," said
Senator Trent Lott of Mississippi. "That's why we've entrusted
protecting our free speech to cutting edge technology companies like
Microsoft and Adobe." The Free Speech Protection legislation
was sponsored by Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska and AOL TW in the
Senate and by Disney in the House of Representatives.
Senior Marketing Director of Adobe Allan Wyse said, "In combination
with the DMCA [Digital Millenium Copyright Act] this accords utmost
protection for free speech. If anyone attempts to break the
encryption they can be prosecuted. If they speak freely without
a license they can be prosecuted. In the end free speech is
protected for all Americans, or at least those that have purchased
a free speech license."
Many Americans were outraged by the FSPA. "You mean we now
have to pay for free speech?" said Darren Gilmour, "That's
not exactly free, is it?"
Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, explained "That's one of the
biggest complaints we get about the new legislation, but Americans
should think of 'free' as in 'free speech,' not as in 'free beer'."
In a confusing twist, the Electronic Frontier Foundation which fights
to protect the free speech rights of citizens opposed the Free Speech
Protection Act. "Congress wants you to believe that the FSPA
protects the first amendment and it does in a way, but not in a good
way. OK, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but trust us on this
one. This law is unconstitutional and we're confident the Supreme
Court will rule it unconstitutional."
The Supreme Court, brought to you in HDTV by Sony, will begin hearing
arguments on the constitutionality of the law in October.
A quick search on Gnutella provided several cracks for the yet unreleased
encryption scheme, making free speech available to anyone with an
Internet connection.
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