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Palm Beach, FL - The recent alarm over the possible outbreak of
the Anthrax virus has Florida residents frantic. Over the past few
days, communities such as Palm Beach and Sarasota county have reported
several cases of Megadeth, and one Miami Beach resident may even
have contracted a case of Pantera.
 The
CDC is stockpiling vaccines for these deadly viruses in the event
that things become more serious. Terry Lavine, head of the Florida
State Board of Music urged residents to stay indoors, tune their
radios to easy listening stations and to report any long-haired "metal" types
to their local sheriff.
"I don't want to cause a panic, but I think this attack is
intentional and I fear things will get worse before they get better.
This could be bigger that Monsters of Metal back in '86. If Danzig
decides to go on reunion tour, we may need to call in the National
Guard." Lavine said. "Thankfully there haven't been any
outbreaks of Metallica since 1991."
Vicki Cartwright of Cartwright Office Supplies was an eye witness
to the reported case of Pantera. Her shocking story paints a frightening
picture as she watched a coworker suffer the effects.
"I was helping a customer in the notebook aisle when all of
a sudden I saw Larry thrashing about in the stapler department. I
mean, staplers were flying everywhere, his head was swinging wildly
back and forth, and I was afraid for my life. Larry's been known
to do some weird stuff in the past, but not since they made him assistant
night manager."
Larry (last name withheld until his parents can be located) was
rushed to County General where a staff of surgeons set to operate.
Luckily for Larry, one of the surgeons was a recovering metal-head
who recognized the symptoms.
"We were able to stabilize Larry, but I don't thing we've seen
the end of this disturbing trend. I think this is only the beginning.
I just pray to God that the Center for Disease Control is developing
a Stryper vaccine, or we all could be at risk." More
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