Washington DC - In an unexpected change of tactics, United States
President George W. Bush announced today that he would suspend military
retaliation against Osama bin Laden and his terrorist network if
bin Laden agrees to pursue ISO 9000 certification for his organization.
unnamed source within the Bush administration said that bringing
the terror groups processes into ISO compliance would almost
certainly give US intelligence agencies the upper hand in neutralizing
bin Ladens effectiveness. Additionally, Bush promised
to provide bin Laden up to 500 personal computers equipped with the
Windows 2000 operating system.
A defiant Taliban representative familiar with ISO certification
said, "Fire will rain from the sky and monkeys will fly from
my butt before we undergo this gruesome process. We prefer bombs
to ISO auditors."
While military and intelligence experts hailed both moves as brilliant
ploys to halt the spread of terror, human rights advocates urged
caution and sought safeguards that ISO literature and Windows PCs
would not fall into the hands of Afghan citizens, already laboring
under adverse conditions.
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