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Washington DC - The RIAA is lobbying for vendors of CD-RW drives
to conduct background checks and require a 3 day waiting period before
the drive can be sold.
The extensive background check would include cross referencing credit
card numbers with local merchants sales logs looking for purchases
of dual-cassette decks between the years of 1980 and 1987. It would
also include checking for installation of file sharing software,
knowledge of the Internet, and the ability to hum. Any of which would
bar the purchaser from receiving his drive.
 "A
CD-RW can be a dangerous weapon when it falls into the wrong hands," said
RIAA President Hilary Rosen, "You wouldn't sell a gun to a convicted
felon and you shouldn't sell a CD-RW drive to a Gnutella user. The
3 day waiting period gives us time to verify that no copyrighted
material is on the purchasers hard drive and to make sure they have
a membership in the Columbia House CD club."
Current owners of CD-RW drives would be required to obtain a license
for use of the drive or face stiff fines. Licenses could be obtained
by enrollment at a local RIAA Education Camp where the horrors of
copyright violation would be instilled with the use of electro-shock
therapy.
"I was alarmed when I heard that children had the ability to
burn CDs right on their computers," said Senator Strom Thurmond, "We've
tried to educate parents on the dangers of children playing with
fire, and now these death merchants sell them that ability in a shiny
metal box." Other Senators voiced their concerns about the possible
violations of privacy in the proposed legislation, but since it was
called the Copyright Patriotism Act they are unable to oppose it.
"The RIAA has gone too far this time. There are uses for CD-RW
drives that don't violate RIAA copyrights like burning multiple copies
of Microsoft Office for friends and neighbors," said Matthew
Sodor an opponent of the legislation.
Background Checks
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