BBspot


Archives
 
BBlog
Happy Thanksgiving and a BBeliever Daily Links - 11/10/11 Daily Links - 11/2/11
BBloopers
Fun at Sea
Football Fans
Great College
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
PC Weenies
The Neverending Story
Gratuity Not Included
Uptime Downtime
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
[H]ard Folding Team
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Thursday, December 20 12:01 AM EST

Gates Announces Security Death Squads

By Wil Wheaton

Redmond, WA- Amid revelations that Windows XP is filled with security holes, making it easy for virtually any 15 year old to seize control of a machine running the recently released operating system, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates today maintained that Windows XP is, indeed, the "most secure operating system, ever."

Framed by the mighty trees and dwarfed by a large Windows XP flag, rippling in the Redmond breeze, Gates this morning defended Microsoft's claims.

"Windows XP is still the leader in security, for both home, and business users," Gates began. "We at Microsoft believe firmly in the importance of computer security, and we recognize that the number one threat to security are not the individuals who attack insecure systems, but, rather, the individuals who publicize security holes in the first place. If people would just learn to remain quiet, these evil hackers wouldn't know of any insecurities, and your computer would be safe."

"Contrary to popular belief, we here at Microsoft take security very seriously," Gates said, his voice growing grave. "We envision a day when all systems are secure, and issuing security patches and updates is a distant memory, like the Amiga. In pursuit of that goal, I am announcing today, that Microsoft will be dispatching 'security squads', who will travel the world, seeking out the evildoers who would disclose vulnerabilities in operating systems, and disposing of them with eXtreme Prejudice."

Gates then turned the microphone over to Microsoft's new Chief of Security, Gunther Goebels.

"Let this be a warning to everyone within the sound of my voice: if you attempt to discover and disclose security holes within any Microsoft operating system, you will be dealt with, accordingly. We will stop at nothing to ensure that XP users continue to enjoy a safe, secure and private computing experience."

Goebels then revealed the first Blue Squad Of Death, or BSOD. As the blue-jacketed men marched across the lawn, Goebels announced, "Make no mistake. You are either with Microsoft, or you are with the hackers."

More Microsoft News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Previous Story:

Gateway Announces Job Cuts, Steak Dinner
Next Story:

Hard Drive Sick of All this Crap

 
 
RSS Feed Subscribe
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Google Buzz Follow Us on Buzz
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

sharepoint survey web part - make money online

Copyright 1999-2011 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.