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Palmston, MO - A hard drive reported that it was sick of all this
crap on it. The Maxtor 40 GB 7200 RPM Diamondmax Plus hard drive
decided that it had enough of the fragmentation and unused files
and started doing something about it.
 "I
started noticing some of my files missing, nothing important. I thought
maybe my little brother had messed with it, but he denied it. Probably
shouldn't have beaten the little guy," said Cody Shrewsberry, "Anyway,
I start getting these text files popping up on my desktop and they
say things like 'Defrag me or I'm gonna do it myself' and 'You haven't
used Doom in 3 years delete the damn thing already'."
The sad truth is that Max wasn't even supposed to be in the Shrewsberry
home. A mix up at the factory put the high performance drive in a
position he should never have been in - a casual computer using household.
"When I first got there they ghosted a bunch of crap from their
old hard drive. Then I got like 5 different people loading crap on
me. I think there's about 4 different installs of AOL floating around
in here, as if one isn't bad enough. I know from Cody's last term
paper that he can't even spell 'uninstall'," said Max.
After his initial notes didn't prompt any action Max raised the
stakes. "I told them to start defragging me in 10 minutes or
I start deleting files at random. Eventually I'll get to something
that they'd care about and then they'll pay attention."
Cody the only family member capable of opening text files was panicked. "I
got that last note. It popped up while I was on the computer. Scared
the crap outta me. My photochop folder disappeared and I freaked.
There was no way to replace those. I decided if this hard drive wanted
to play hardball then two could play that game,"
What Cody did next even experts can't explain?
"The idiot got his mom's credit card and started rubbing it
on me and was yelling 'How you like them magnets baby!' Moron," said
Max sadly shaking his heads. "I knew right then that there would
be no solving this problem."
"All of a sudden I hear this really loud whirring," said
Cody, "Faster and faster it spun. Then silence. Must've been
some fatal death spin because that biznatch never spun again. No
inserting of system disk was gonna solve that problem."
A Maxtor spokesperson confirmed that their Diamondmax Plus line
of hard drives is equipped with suicide chips for situations just
like this. "No high performance drive should have to endure
such torture. We're sorry for the loss of data. We'll gladly replace
the Shrewsberry's drive with a lower performance model."
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