Redmond, WA - An embarrassed Bill Gates admitted today that a memo
outlining Microsoft's new focus on security called Trustworthy Computing
was sent out in error when an idealistic intern sent him the fanciful,
pie in the sky report in a virus infected e-mail.
"I forgot to patch my Outlook Express and it went out to my
entire address book," said Gates. "You would think that
if anything were to get us to focus on security in our software that
it would be a gaffe like this. To ensure security in all our software,
however, would mean dropping half of our product lines and I have
a fiscal responsibility to shareholders."
Gates added, "Don't we run drug tests on interns?"
The memo was
apparently drafted by college intern Glenn Hardcastle in case Microsoft
ever did decide to make security a priority. "They told me it
was busy work. That it would never happen," said Glen, "When
I saw it on the net the next day I didn't even bother going into
work. I knew my ass was grass for the big Gates-mower."
Many consumers were also relieved to hear that Microsoft's priorities
had not changed. "I was a little worried when I heard that security
would be a priority over new features. I was really excited when
I heard that in the next version of Windows I'll be able to transfer
money between my bank accounts with a simple click from any computer
connected to the Internet. I thought for sure that feature would
be scrapped in favor of 'security'," said Jack Yager.
"I checked my calendar to make sure it wasn't April 1st when
the e-mail dropped into my inbox," said AP tech reporter Donna
Whitlock. "I mean come on, Microsoft and trustworthy go together
about as well as Exxon and sea otters. I'm glad to see it was all
a big mistake."
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