Trenton, NJ - The first salvo in the War on Recession, announced
at President Bush's State of the Union address, was victorious when
an unemployment office in Trenton, New Jersey was destroyed by allied
bombers. Seventeen people, who will no longer be categorized in government
statistics as unemployed but unemployable, were killed in the raid.
While sanguine with the early success of Operation Enduring Growth,
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that this would be a "long
grueling war and would require even more fortitude than dropping
bombs on Kabul."
Rumsfeld also stated that forces were being positioned for an assault
on the New York Stock Exchange which he stated "is well known
to be a root source of recession. We're coordinating with the Treasury
Department to find these people responsible for the recession and
smoke them out of their cubicles, off of the trading floor and into
our nets. No one will escape."
President Bush offered more specifics on the operation today from
the White House. "The threat from recession is real. Our citizens
will not live in fear of poor economic times. All the might of the
United States will be mobilized to eradicate the world of this evil
recession," he said. The President continued, "Therefore,
as part of Operation Enduring Growth, I am ordering the Air Force
to begin bombing underperforming chain stores and warehouses hoarding
Bush also named Japan and Germany as sponsors of worldwide recession,
adding them to the blacklist of countries who must increase economic
activity or face the might of the US military.
The Democratic response to the War on Recession was offered by Senate
Majority Leader, Tom Daschle. "The President is misguided in
his policy. The proper action is to bomb third world countries into
oblivion so multi-national corporations cannot export jobs away from
British Prime Minister, Tony Blair roundly supported the President,
stating that British bombers we're already en route to Frankfurt
and Paris in support of Operation Enduring Growth.
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