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Friday, March 22 12:00 AM EDT

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You can only watch The Matrix so many times before you think you know Kung Fu. Stop before it's too late.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Calling yourself a hacker because you logged into a PC and deleted some files doesn't count if it was YOUR machine and you just deleted everything in c:\windows\temp.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
It's all fun and games until someone gets beaten senseless for quoting Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy one too many times. Get the hint? (This horoscope paid for by "Coalition to Stop Brad's Stupid Quotes")

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Even though you've seen the movie 67 times, Peter Jackson still won't mention you in his Oscar acceptance speech. The thankless bastard. Your threats to see The Two Towers only 24 times won't earn you a spot either.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Your co-workers have been looking at you strangely, but that's only because they're working for the Illuminati. No matter what they say, don't remove that anti-static bag from your head. They'll never succeed so long as you stay focused.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
There should be a law about March Madness and St. Patrick's Day happening on the same weekend. That lung you upchucked is proving very difficult to find.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
If you build it, they will come. The descrambler and the cable company, that is.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You'll lose out on a job when you're forced to reveal that the CSE you claimed on your resume doesn't mean a degree in Computer Science and Engineering, but that you're a Counter-Strike Expert.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Nobody plays the banjo like Stubby, nobody.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
The arrival of spring means that you can no longer use bad weather as an excuse to not go outside. Time to put on your thinking cap again.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
This week you'll discover why they say "High voltage and tongues don't mix."

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your employees already think you're cheap for refusing to move the office out of the current cheap rental space whose only source of heat is the very unreliable old-fashioned radiators that are controlled by the lady with the antiques department downstairs. But prepare yourself for an outright employee revolt when, asked for space heaters, you place the Network Switches underneath the employees' desks with the covers removed.

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