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San Antonio, TX - After three unsuccessful years of attempting to
retrieve the Amulet of Yendor, Nelson Larin finally ascended from
his parents' basement grasping a homemade necklace and screaming, "I
found it, I found it." The obviously fake amulet appeared to
be formed from aluminum foil and some twine.
After he emerged from the basement and his delirium, Nelson told
the tale of the past 3 years in the 'dungeon'. He told of how he
survived entirely on things he killed and bags of Doritos his parents
tossed down the stairs, which he insisted on calling "food rations".
He also admitted that he never found the real Amulet of Yendor, but
he once survived a room full of L's.
His parents were very worried about him, but mentioned they were
happy he had finally stopped smoking pot. "We were a little
scared for him in the middle of the night he would often yell out,
'I'm starving! I'm starving! Where is the food!' We thought maybe
he'd started smoking again and had the munchies. Apparently it was
just part of the game," said Nelson's Father, Neil.
"Another night that was really frightening was when he started
gleefully exclaiming 'I'm in Hell! I can't believe I'm in Hell!'
We contacted the Archdiocese the next morning, but they don't make
house calls any more," said Wilma Larin.
"I pledged three years ago that I wouldn't come out of the
basement until I won the game, but I really had to go pee. I kept
trying #p or #u but I couldn't find any relief," said Nelson. "I
will try again and this time I will be successful. My life just wouldn't
be complete if I never finished the game."
Sadly on his way back to start a new game in the basement Nelson
tripped over his cat, Whiskers, and fell down the stairs breaking
his neck.
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