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Monday, May 6 12:01 AM EST

Google Offers Premium
"Find Anything" Service

By Brian Briggs

Mountain View, CA - Google is now offering a premium search service to subscribers willing to pay $9.95 per month. The service called "Find Anything" allows users to not only find information on the Internet, but also in the real world as well.

One of the most touching success stories of the new service has been Kyle Ferguson who had long since given up hope. Kyle who was adopted when he just 3 weeks old has been searching for his mother for 27 years. "I just typed in 'mom' and it came up with two entries. One was a Thai restaurant but the other was my biological mother!"

The service is not limited to life changing searches such as finding a long lost parent but also more mundane tasks such as finding your lost car keys. "This service is invaluable," said one user, "I found my keys, a job and the lost city of Atlantis!"

Google has not released any technical specifications on how the new search service accomplishes such amazing results so quickly. Competitors suggest that Google has either made a deal with the devil or that they're just really good guessers.

Tammy Kelley said the service has changed her life, "Back in college I was quite the party girl and a few bad decisions caused me to lose my self-respect. I never thought I'd get it back until I tried Google's Find Anything service. I was skeptical at first, but one quick search and I'm back to feeling good about myself again."

The most popular search items on the new service are "great sex", with "episodes of Invader Zim" coming in a close second.

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