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Friday, May 16 12:00 AM EDT

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Your boss is beginning to suspect you are playing video games at work. Perhaps you should lose the gamepad.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
That Penguin tattoo on your forehead will prove difficult to hide during the interview at Microsoft. Think before you ink.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Learn from your mistakes. You've only got nine fingers now and electric pencil sharpeners aren't easy to unjam.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Yes, the corpse in the corner of your cubicle is starting to stink, but that's not the smell your coworkers are complaining about. Change your socks.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
We can't really explain it, but nothing bad happens to you this week! Oh... wait. I was looking at the wrong date. Make sure to wear lead pants this week.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Using brute force will get you to the front of the Attack of the Clones ticket line sooner, but the acne scarred kid in front of you knows Wil Weaton and Ninjitsu.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
So you've been having difficulties finding a new job as a graphics designer. Here's a resume tip: Remove from your skills the phrase "MS Paint".

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
There's only one chance in a million that a can of exploding Cheez Whiz will be fatal. Hello Mr. One Million.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Mom liked the mousepad with your picture on it so much that she decided to burn it in ritual sacrifice to the dark and mysterious Himjango, God of Mousing Surfaces.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
I don't care what Bob from Accounting says, the Rule of 72 doesn't mean you can have 72 times more personal files on your computer than work related ones.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your decision on where to eat lunch today will not decide the fate of the universe. Hurry it up already.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Friends will always be there for you. Doesn't that make you wish you had some?

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