Washington DC - Ralph Hughes of Sony Music testified in the Senate
today urging lawmakers to enact legislation which would ban felt
tip markers. "These innocuous looking writing instruments are
the scourge of our society," he said holding up a Sharpie. "Not
only can this black stick of death be used to violate
the DMCA, but it could also be used to write the instructions
to incubate the anthrax virus."
Hughes did concede that a marker had some legitimate uses, but he
cited several examples of dangerous and illegal use of the markers
which "clearly overshadow any justifiable purposes."
- Man escapes prison with felt-tip marker by drawing a fake mustache
on himself and fooling guards.
- Snorting felt tip markers leading cause of death among teens
who die snorting felt tip markers.
- A terrorist could sketch a knife on Post-it note and hijack the
plane with the picture.
- A baby with a marker once ruined a perfectly good sweater.
Victim of Markers
In response to the news of markers being used as instruments of
crime, Senator Fritz Hollings introduced the Hollings' Felt Tip Marker
Family Safety Act. "Never have the dangers been so clear and
the solution been so evident. This legislation will protect the children
of our country in the wake of September 11th and the release of Celine
Dion's "A New Day has Come" CD.
"Some citizens may have to switch to pencils or ball point
pens," Hollings continued, "but that's a small price to
pay for the security of our great nation."
Many pundits were surprised by the Hollings bill. "Normally
Senator Hollings only introduces legislation when it's in support
of Disney. This support of the Sony Corporation is a welcome change
and shows the bi-partisanship of the Senator."
Tom Stephens of the Sanford marker company testified in support
of markers, "I spent all last night trying to think of a proposal
that was more ridiculous, but I kept drawing a blank."
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