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Waukesha, WI-- A local sinner learned his lesson the hard way Tuesday,
when God took away
his vision as a punishment for touching himself, according to neighborhood
sources.
 Since childhood, parents and school administrators at St. Mary's
School of Our Saintly Mother have repeatedly warned students that
they'd be struck blind if they sinned with themselves but sinner
Jeffrey Gould, 16, apparently chose to blindly ignore God's warnings
and was paid in full retribution for his dirty deed.
"He was obviously an evil child," said Sister Linda Dale,
who said Gould's deed was brought to her attention Tuesday, when
the blinded teenager joined the class for the first time after recently
moving from Connecticut. "It serves him right for sinning."
Jeff has not expressed regret for his actions or said if he could
take it all back he would. Either way it's too late for that Jeffrey!
Ha ha, you're blind!
And that's not all: Gould can expect the following additional punishments
for his abominable act:
- 40 lashes by the Heavenly Courts.
- Withered up sexual organs.
- Eternity in Hell with the Sodomites.
- Loss of feeling in his right hand.
- Sits in the special masturbator section of Church.
- Use of handicapped parking spaces.
- Excommunication.
- Death, instant and painful.
- And more!
"What are you talking about?" said Jeffrey, when asked
about his awful deed. "I was blinded in a car crash when I was
four. What's the matter with you sick people?"
Ho, ho Jeff. If we're so sick, then why aren't WE blind?
"I can't take this anymore," shouted Jeff. "Leave
me the f--- alone!"
Uh oh Jeff. You just allowed Satan to enter your mouth. For swearing,
Gould can expect the following holy retributions:
- Stoning.
- Tongue shrivels up.
- He will never marry.
- Excommunication.
- Death, instant and painful.
- And more!
The sinner's family could not be reached for comment, as they were
probably too busy molesting each other.
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