May 21 - June 21
An unfortunate backhoe accident that cuts both your cable and telephone connections
leads you to discover a beautiful and enchanting world that others call "outside".
June 22 - July 22
Your horoscope this week says you are a gullible person who believes in horoscopes.
Don't believe it!
July 23 - Aug 22
You might think that those hard drives in your Linux server crashed because
of a bad power supply. Think again. Maybe if you used it on your desktop instead
of leaving it in the corner of the basement as a firewall it wouldn't have
to lash out just to get some attention.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Your girlfriend becomes a bit concerned when you start coming home late from
work everyday. You assure her it's not another woman, just that you're feeding
your Nethack addiction. That doesn't seem to calm her nerves.
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Help your dad and the Internet this Father's Day by visiting him in person
and making sure he's not posing as a 13 year old girl in the AOL chat rooms.
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your office has a loose ceiling tile with your name on it. You have no chance
to survive, make your time.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
That spam filter you wrote will prove dangerous when it blocks the "employment
termination notices" that your boss sent to you. You'll end up working for
two more months at the company wondering why you haven't gotten a paycheck.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You'll be unable to convince your mom that it's just thermal paste all over
the keyboard. No Internet for you for a week young man.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will be praised this week by your generous boss. By praised I mean maimed.
And by generous I mean psychotic. And by boss I mean gorilla.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Taking paper clips and staples home from work is OK, but taking a 21-inch monitor
home is considered theft. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your lack of knowledge on soccer will be demonstrated this week as your random
score generator for guessing the results of the World Cup ends with Saudi Arabia
beating China 37-25 in the finals.
Apr 20 - May 20
Don't get too excited it's not uncommon for a woman to say "free mounting" in
a tire commercial.