New York, NY - Steve Jobs announced many new products last week
during his keynote address at MacWorld New York, but one new service
by Apple which didn't get mentioned may be the most important. Lost
in all the announcements of new iPods and iMacs, was the new iTIPS
Hotline for reporting users of OS 9.
"We need to crack down on these slackers who aren't moving
to OS X," said Jobs. "If a friend or loved one is still
using OS 9 please call 1-900-UPGRADE-ALREADY. The call only costs
$9.99 per minute. Isn't it worth any cost to make sure your friends
and relatives have the best computing experience possible?"
After an incident is reported Apple dispatches a black turtleneck-clad
band of Upgrade Artists, armed only with an inflated sense of position
in the computer world. "After we shame them by telling them
how uncool they are to be using OS 9 the conversion is pretty easy," said
Upgrade Artist Geoffrey Sinclair. "I mean, everybody knows the
letter X is a lot cooler than the number 9. What sort of loser wouldn't
want to upgrade just for that reason?"
"It was like the French Gestapo," one convert related. "They
came in, shamed me, and proceeded to install a demo version of OS
X on my iMac. Unfortunately, they erased all my data and left me
with a semi-functional operating system. I tried installing OS 9
again, but it was impossible. I'll have to go out and buy OS X. Stupid
Stubborn OS 9 users have already formed resistance groups. They
have been spraypainting messages like "9 RULES" and "NO
X, YES 9" around Circuit City, and thrashing OS X distribution
Apple responded to criticism by saying it was waiving the upgrade
fee for customers who already paid for their upgrade previously.
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