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Wednesday, July 24 12:01 AM EST

Virus Alert: BSB

By Francisco Rangel

Antivirus experts have announced the appearance of a new virus called "BSB" which has been described as "dangerous and hazardous." While this virus does not damage files or hurt the Windows operating system in any way, it may cause deep psychological trauma and emotional scars. The virus itself is a simple variation of the common worm virus, which replicates when executed, and is distributed through e-mail attachments. The subject is simply "BSB" and the attachment is a file called bsb.exe, and poses as a flash executable.

When the attachment is run, the virus writes a screensaver to the disk with a random name and random location in the directory structure, and overwrites a couple of DLLs, which block all access to the screen properties window. This prevents the user from changing the screen saver.

The danger of this virus is not in the overwriting of DLLs, but in the screen saver itself. The screen saver, once activated, displays a version of the Ballmer Monkey Boy video, digitally modified so that Ballmer appears naked.

At first, experts thought that the virus' name, which is the acronym for Back Street Boys, was used to lure young innocent teenage girls into watching this horrible video, but now it is thought that the name stands for "Birthday Suit Ballmer" or "Ballmer's Swinging Balls."

When questioned about the virus, one of the hundreds of victims simply exclaimed "My eyes! MY EYES!!!" Further questioning revealed nothing more.

Not everyone is displeased with this virus, though. Owners and managers of large companies are very happy with the results. An anonymous manager for a large company explained, "Most of our employees' computers were infected with this virus. They are now afraid to leave their desk, and keep moving the mouse over and over. The coffee breaks have stopped, and they seldomly use the bathroom. Productivity has definitely improved. Still, it's just awful to have seen that guy prancing around naked. My retinas are still sore."

On the plus side, the virus DLLs that replace the original ones fix 7 bugs in the Windows system.

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