||August 30, 2002
||Knives, whips, gun, monitor, flying
body, "Enter" key
|"In a world where..."
||"To catch the killer, he must become
This trailer is an example of synergies from corporate mergers gone
horribly wrong. The first image shows the familiar WB logo with the
reminder underneath that it's "an AOL Time Warner Company".
Nobody reminded Warner Brother's though, this trailer features people
getting killed after they use the Internet. A nice disincentive for
all those AOL customers who probably think this is based on a true
story. I'd rate that stock a stupid.
This trailer doesn't rate much better. You would think a trailer
called feardotcom would be about a site called fear.com right?
Wrong. It's about a site called feardotcom.com. Apparently the marketing
geniuses didn't check to see if the URL was taken before they named
the movie. Heck, even scary.com and reallyscary.com are
taken. Reallyreallyscary.com is still available but it's debatable
whether that is dumber than what they ended up with.
Back to the trailer. Dead bodies start piling up. We're informed
that "the one thing that the victims have in common is the fear
site." The logicians among us will also point out that they
are all dead and all human and probably all perverts. From the cracked
monitors at the crime scenes we can deduce that the victims smashed
their skulls against their screens in hopes of ridding their brains
of this inane trailer.
Another item these victims have in common is some mad phat bandwidth
piped into their homes, because the feardotcom.com site pumps high
resolution, full screen, full motion video at them without a stutter.
I know showing a real computer and a real Internet connection might
not make for a good movie, but could we at least get a bit closer
Another flaw in logic occurs when a character exclaims, "Things
on that site no one has ever seen before." Well, except for
the people that created the site, the people that died after watching
them, and all the people that just watched this trailer on the
Internet. In addition, I've surfed long enough to know that there
is nothing that is not on the Internet.
How can we catch this diabolical killer? Our heroine begs our hero
to not visit fear.co..er..feardot.co...er...fearcomdot.com er...
the site. Will he? Won't he? Does anyone care at this point? Fortunately,
the trailer answers this question for us so we don't have to actually
go to the theater to find out.
trailer ends with the predictable quick-cut action sequence which
climaxes with a young girl dressed all in white bouncing a white
ball. ALERT: Young girls dressed in white bouncing white balls
are now scary! Just in case you missed the announcement like
I obviously did.
Conclusion on Trailer: Predictable and boring, not worth the bandwidth.
Conclusion on Movie: Only one other movie opens the same week as
this stinker, so go see XXX again at the Dollar Theater.
Story to a Friend