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Most of you probably don't know I was promoted to deputy secretary
assistant for first line technical support. The new role, which really
just means I have to sit through more teleconferences, also means
that when people call and demand to talk to a supervisor, they get
transferred to me.
| Awards |
Today's Golden Caller Award goes
to:
The dumb ass with admin rights to his PC that removed all access to his
C: drive for his own ID. Congratulations, dumb ass. You're today's winner! |
Today's Silver Caller Award goes
to:
The lady who calls twice a day to demand that a tech fix her laptop, but
when the tech shows, she's too busy using the laptop to let them fix it.
Congratulations, dumb ass. You're today's runner up! |
Today's Booby Prize goes to:
The guy who changed the names and icons of his desktop shortcuts, then
called us because he forgot which was what. |
Now, most people think that demanding to talk to a supervisor actually
means that they can cut through the red tape and get their problem
fixed more expediently. I'm here to tell you that this is in fact
the exact opposite of the truth. You see, I'm just as much of an
idiot as the last guy you talked to. As a good rule, I'm more of
an idiot.
You see, when you call technical support, the job of the front line
is to get as much info from you as they can, troubleshoot the call
for about 10 minutes, and if they can't solve your problem, they
send your ticket to the specialists for that product. The specialists
by-and-large know what they are talking about. The supervisors never
do. Talking to a supervisor is akin to the small island village that
offers up a virgin to the volcano god. It seems important,
but does absolutely no good.
Off the top of my head, I would imagine the front line supports
somewhere between 80 and a bajillion products. Most people imagine
that the support technician they are talking to is intimately familiar
with all these products ("Yeah, my thing keeps locking up at
that one screen. You know?"). I just want to state for the record,
if the phone jockeys were familiar with all these products, they
wouldn't be working tech support for $12.50 an hour. Unless they
were masochists or -God forbid- complete fucking idiots. All right...
some of them are.
The differences between the support technician and the supervisor
you are asking for are simple: The supervisor has management experience,
as insignificant as it may be (I was in charge of the chicken fryers
at Hardee's). The supervisor knows less about the product than the
technician (a brain is only so big. You can't expect product knowledge
AND chicken fryer management to both fit in there). The supervisor
can view tickets and tell technicians to close them, but can't actually
write tickets or exercise any real control over the technicians (unless
the supervisor brings donuts, making him Deity of the Day).
The moral of the story, if there really is one, is that patience
goes a long way. As soon as you get pissed and ask to talk to a supervisor,
you run the risk of talking to me. And if that happens, your problem
will probably never get fixed. If you really want to get your problem
fixed, have a kid and wait 14 years. The kid will fix your problem
long before I'll ever give you a call back (and I'm including those
14 years). Besides, by then I'll be the CEO and won't have time for
you or you stupid problems.
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Nolan Curtis
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