all know how I feel about Microsoft from my decade of previous columns.
Frauds! Failures! I've predicted their downfall many times in the
past ten years (116 times but who's counting), but this time I have
found their Hercules heels!
Microsoft miscalculated MASSIVELY on their Dot Net strategy. Getting
absorbed in the Internet mania Microsoft mistakenly believed that
Dot Net would become as popular as Dot Com and be another faucet
of funds. Funny, when was the last time anybody registered a Dot
Net domain? 1894? I'm kidding! I registered wwwednesday.net back
in 1996 (take that squatters!) All aboard. Sorry, Microsoft you missed
the boat. Fools!
Ballmer and company want to switch focus of their failed strategy
from Dot Net domain names to an all encompassing product naming contrivance.
Dot Net suffix mania! Office Dot Net. Photoshop Dot Net. Steve Ballmer
Dot Monkey. I'm kidding! (loosen the restraining order or it's years
more of my barbed commentary Steve-O). Destined for failure! Strategy
sounds familiar? Yes! Apple has already used this strategy with their "i" products.
Ipod. Imac. Iroc. We all know how incompetent Microsoft becomes when
they copy Apple. Morons!
Apple. Powerful foe? Yes! Unfortunately, Microsoft mops the floor
with the Santa Clara lackeys, but the software strongman has never
faced anything like KDE/Linux (pronounced kuh-dee-front-slash-li-nucks,
don't ask me why, it's a long story). You may not have heard of this
roving band of programming hooligans, but they are smart and they
give their stuff away for free! Why didn't I think of that? I'm told
there are versions of KDE/Linux that look exactly like Windows XP.
You can send e-mail, listen to MP3s and surf the Internet. Rumor
has it that printing will be available next year! Did I mention it's
FREE?!? How can Microsoft compete against this?
Speaking of free software steamrollers, the imminent demise of Microsoft's
Office nears like the flaming Phoenix on the horizon. Engulfed by
the fiery blaze of Sun's Star Office. My recommendation of the stellar
office suite to ALL my clients has already gouged market share out
of Microsoft's cash cow's hide. From a staggering 96.4% to a much
less staggering 96.3%! Survivability is negatory, good buddy. Bring
out the life support. If there is a God in heaven, Clippy will be
vaporized in the super-Star Office-nova.
Finally the HP-Dell merger creates an undeniably powerful synergistic
behemoth. Was that coherent? No! It doesn't matter, Microsoft still
has to compete. HP's printers completely obliterate the offerings
from Microsoft. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Mr. Needs-a-Court-Order-to-Protect-his-Children!
You might think I have some sort of vendetta against the Giant of
Portland but you're wrong like FAT16! How can they survive another
year with all these barbarians at the Gates? If you can see how,
then you are a bigger fool than I!
Footnote: The premier technology news website "The Bbspot" has added
the Wednesday Wally to their site. Welcome "The Bbspot" readers!
Wallace W. Wednesday, President and Founder of WWWednesday Consulting
LLC, resides in San Mingo Guapo, California. He comments on all
aspects of technology in his syndicated column Wednesday Wally
and during his weekly radio show.
The following disclaimer must be attached to all documents produced
by Wallace W. Wednesday or WWWednesday Consulting LLC by order
of the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco. This
ruling is unrelated to the Microsoft restraining order.
Disclaimer: A strong correlation has been proven between advice
given by Mr. Wednesday and WWWednesday Consulting LLC, and several
corporate bankruptcies. Extreme caution is urged before following
any advice proffered by Mr. Wednesday or his companies.
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