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Anti-virus experts have issued a warning alerting computer users
about a new Visual Basic script virus named Inferno. The payload
is in an attachment called a_day_in_hell.gif.vbs. When executed,
the script sets the monitor's brightness and contrast to maximum
levels, sets the refresh rate to the highest possible value, and
the palette is modified to display only red colors. At these settings
the monitor begins to heat up and emit powerful radiation toward
the user.
 A
very tanned virus researcher explained, "The heat and electromagnetic
waves emitted by the monitor are enough to tan, or even burn, a user. I've
been dealing with this virus for a couple of hours, and look at me!
By the way, have you seen my sunscreen around here?"
One victim narrowly escaped severe injury. "I was about to open
a bottle of Jumping Lizard Ginseng Blaster when I opened the attachment.
Just then, I dropped my straw and reached down to pick it up. I heard
this loud bang, and realized the bottle had exploded, and the liquid
drenched my keyboard. I was really lucky. I only got a couple of
shards of glass in my back. Unfortunately, my medical insurance doesn't
cover Acts of Stupidity so I had to pay for the stitches myself."
While a few other casualties have been reported, mostly burns suffered
by basement dwelling web surfers, some enterprising Internet Cafe
owners have taken advantage of the virus by becoming makeshift Internet
Cafe/Tanning Salons. "Most of our clientele are rather pale-skinned. With
this new virus, we can help them look better, and charge double for
our service," explained the owner of the recently renamed Surf-n-Tan
Cafe.
Pregnant women and albinos are advised to avoid computers infected
with the virus.
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