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Several major media outlets such as FOX, Yahoo! and CNN announced
they will be retiring two outdated themes in media: using fact-based
information and professional journalism standards. ABC News and The
Today Show are expected to join the other news outlets after
the Christmas season.
"It just became too much effort," said exasperated Yahoo! reporter
Stephanie Dixon. "We found it was easier to blame video games and Jackass than
to get actual facts to support our stories." Stephanie's most recent
article deals with the harmful effects of Unreal Tournament 2003
on the digestive problems of family pets. She also stopped using
apostrophes and the letter 'Q' based on their distant placement from
her pinkie fingers.
FOX News director Mort Granger agreed with the move. Last week he
began using automatically generated templates for the articles posted
on the FOX News web site. "You just type in the breaking news topic,
and the template automatically generates a story relating the problem
to Jackass: The Movie. Not only is the process incredibly
innovative, it also gives our staffers more time to spend on popcap.com." Granger,
winner of the 1964 Pulitzer prize in journalism, also tops the high
score list for Insaniquarium.
His decision to retire these "outdated and archaic benchmarks" was
based on the large increase in page views for a story he ran last
week "Jackass: The Movie Kills 12 in Alabama Tornado." The article
detailed the collapse of a small theater due to high winds.
Not everyone agrees with Granger. Weekly World News editor Delphina
Marguiles is shocked at this announcement. "Whatever happened to
journalistic integrity? Sensationalism and blame of pop-culture plague
today's news outlets. Personally, I'm sickened by it."
The news outlets also noted that early next year responsibility
and accountability are slated to retire. The American Parenting Society
plans to adopt a similar retirement list early next year.
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