BBspot


Archives
 
BBlog
Happy Thanksgiving and a BBeliever Daily Links - 11/10/11 Daily Links - 11/2/11
BBloopers
Fun at Sea
Football Fans
Great College
Top 11
Top 11 Things Geeks Would Do After Being Rescued from a Mine
PC Weenies
The Neverending Story
Gratuity Not Included
Uptime Downtime
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
The BBook of Geek
Recommended
Fark
[H]ard Folding Team
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Funny Pictures
More Links

Monday,  December 9 12:01 AM EDT

Coffee Addict Denies Sleeping Problem

By Brian Briggs

South Bend, IN - Alan Wixon denied to several co-workers yesterday that his coffee drinking interferes with his sleeping.

Sleep aids."I have no trouble sleeping," said Wixon. "Every night I'm fast asleep by four o'clock. Sure, I'm a little groggy at 6:30 when I wake up, but once I get my 128 ounce Super Swallow emptied I'm fine. Is that pot done brewing yet Harry? Listen, I get at least 8 hours a sleep a week. Do you think that's a problem? Huh?"

Wixon's co-workers disagree. Diane Folks, who went caffeine-free three years ago, said, "I'm really starting to get worried about him. He starts screaming about the bugs crawling on his skin. It's like that one Star Trek episode where the crew wasn't getting enough REM sleep and started having frightening hallucinations."

Wixon agreed that sleep was a problem for a short time last year, but that he's now set limits on his coffee intake to remedy the situation. "No coffee for me after 2 am on weekdays, 5 am on weekends," said Wixon. "Only when I break that rule do I have trouble getting to sleep. On the other hand if I don't drink my coffee for a few hours that's when I have sleeping problems. I get a huge headache, the shakes and usually I start getting a blue tinge at the tips of my fingers. One time I stopped drinking coffee for a whole day and I slept 53 hours straight. Now that's a sleeping problem!"

Dr. Tom Roberts of the University of Michigan Sleep Center said, "Many people deny that coffee causes sleeping problems. They don't sleep a wink all night and blame it on something else. It's part of the denial of addiction."

Wixon emptied his If this cup is empty you better get outta my way mug and offered, "I admit I couldn't sleep at all last night but it wasn't the coffee. It was the light in the refrigerator downstairs. Tormenting me. Was it on? Was it off? I started pacing. I couldn't get that light out of my head. So I went down stairs and walked three miles on the treadmill and channel surfed for a couple hours. Not that wimpy watch-a-show-for-5-seconds -and-then-change-the-station surfing, but real power surfing. I didn't spend more than half a second on any one channel for 2 hours straight."

"It can't be the coffee. No, it can't be," Wixon continued. "No, not my coffee. My precious coffee. You wouldn't keep me awake at night, would you, my precious? Hey! Quit looking at my mug, Buddy!"

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Previous Story:

The Homicidal Counter Q-Borg Cyborg
Next Story:

Geek Horoscopes

 
 
RSS Feed Subscribe
Follow on Twitter Follow Us on Twitter
Facebook Fan Us on Facebook
Google Buzz Follow Us on Buzz
Amazon Find the BBook

 

  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

sharepoint survey web part - make money online

Copyright 1999-2011 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.