Dec 22 - Jan 19
The Linux community will not take kindly to your switch back to Windows. If the
nasty e-mails aren't enough to clue you in then the penguin hooded geeks burning
you in effigy on your front lawn will be a dead give away.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
We were supposed to tell you this last week but the ladies won't be impressed
by your karaoke version of "Oh, what a night" at the New Year's Eve
Feb 19 - Mar 20
We'd advise not eating anything you didn't see cooked with your own eyes this
week unless you're on that Saliva Diet.
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You can blame a lot on the champagne but operating a Chinese prison work camp
is not one of them.
Apr 20 - May 20
You're too sexy for this horoscope. Too sexy for this horoscope.
May 21 - June 21
Horoscopes in odd numbered years have proven to be 23% more accurate than throwing
darts down the toilet.
June 22 - July 22
It's 2003 and still there are people who refer to 2000 as the new millennium. Your
job is not done until that problem is corrected.
July 23 - Aug 22
As a CEO you're under mandate to cut costs and return to profitability. A Fortune
500 company probably needs more than 6 employees though, so you might want
to come up with another plan.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Follow your dream, but not too closely because if it stops really quick you
might run into it.
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Relating The Two Towers to 9/11 was clever the first time when Tolkien did
it back in 1934. It's not funny any more. Stop it.
Oct 24 - Nov 21
It might be a bit disingenuous to describe your year end employee review as
a emotion filled love-fest. The security guards were carrying you out of the
building not giving you hugs.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
See that goofy guy over there? He's the one that's going to be authorizing
an audit on you in the near future. Take whatever action you deem necessary.