Washington DC - A little covered footnote to the recently passed
Homeland Security bill was the creation of a nationwide database
of Microsoft Outlook users. This database will be used to track viruses
to their source and help prevent any terrorist attack through e-mail.
properly crafted e-mail virus could shut down 50% of the US economy
in 8 hours," said Waylon Howard newly appointed Director of
the Project Outlook. "If that's not a national security risk
then I don't know what is."
"We'll be able to track the viruses to the source and prosecute
the virus creator to the fullest extent of the law which now is the
death penalty. We'll also be able to track who clicked on the attachment
and contributed to the spread of the virus and charge them as accomplices," said
Privacy experts were outraged by the government's new program. "Sure
Outlook users are the lowest of the low, but even they have constitutionally
protected rights. How do we know that the government won't sell this
information to Ximian so they can
solicit converts to Evolution? Or maybe the government will make
this list public and we'll go back to the dark ages of public lynchings?"
The government also plans to use the database to send out virus
warnings and patches for Outlook users. If your system is not patched
then it will upgrade it for you.
"I'm afraid that the government might use the information to
embarrass me," said Vern Hollings of 245 West Main in Topeka,
an Outlook user who wished to remain anonymous. "I only use
Outlook at work. I can't help it. That's what my company forces me
to use. Now with Project Outlook exposing me I might not be able
to work on the Linux kernel."
Many are worried that Microsoft coded in some sort of insecure back
door into Outlook for this database tracking. A Microsoft representative
claimed that this back door is very secure and that users should
focus more closely on the 237 other insecurities in Outlook.
Claims of discrimination have already arisen. "I've been using
GnuPG with KMail for 18 months now, but they won't take my name off
the list," said Alan Hardings.
Howard explained, "We have to be sure that when we pull a user
off the list that they won't just go right back to using Outlook.
I'm familiar with the Hardings case and well, it seems he's trying
a little TOO HARD to make himself look innocent! We REALLY don't
trust him now."
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