BBspot
/About /Main /Help Us /Log /Advertise /FAQs
/Archives /BBloopers /Discussion /Contact /Archives /BBshop
Super Bowl Winner?
Archives
BBlog
Daily Links - 3/15/10 My First Substitute Teaching Assignment Wasn't What I Expected Daily Links - 3/15/10
BBloopers
You Need Counseling
The Choice is Yours
Mind Altering Cookware
Top 11
Top 11 Social Networks You Shouldn't Join
PC Weenies
Behind Door #1
Emergency Situation
Out to Lunch
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
Games
BBspot Games: Globular
Shrunken Heads
Funny Bubbles
RSS
BBlog XML/RSS feed
Add to Google
Add to My Yahoo!
Save This Page
Follow on Twitter
Recommended
Fark
Broken Newz
The Toque
Worth 1000
Joe the Peacock
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
Wil Wheaton
Jonathan Coulton
I-Mockery
FreeWorldGroup
Geek of the Day
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Yo! Free Games
Funny Pictures
More Links

Monday,  February 17 12:01 AM EDT

State Department Warns Americans
Not To Act Like Americans

By R.O. Whatley

Washington, D.C. - In what is believed to be its strongest travel advisory ever, the U.S. State Department today warned Americans abroad not to act like Americans.

The US Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand proudly displays the red, white and blue flag of France.

The advisory was issued simultaneously in Washington by State Department spokesman Richard Boucher, and in The Hague by a man who, in halting Dutch, denied he was U.S. Ambassador Clifford Sobel.

Unlike previous alerts, which have warned Americans to keep a low profile or avoid certain destinations, the new advisory notes that it is now unwise to come across as American at all. As a result, the State Department cautions U.S. citizens to avoid behaviors that could cause them to be singled out as obviously American. These include:

  • the wearing of white socks and tennis shoes.
  • complaining if asked to share a bathroom.
  • threatening to sue over bad service, television reception, or weather.
  • hegemony.

In addition, U.S. citizens attempting to speak a foreign language are urged to curb their Americanisms. For example:

Correct: Est-ce que vous l'avez aux autres couleurs?
Incorrect: Est-ce que vous, like, l'avez aux, like, autres couleurs?

The advisory immediately created turmoil overseas, particularly for U.S. military personnel, who pretended to be French and were forced to surrender.

The alert also caused confusion at home, as it seems to contradict the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, which has warned Americans not to act un-American. In a press briefing this afternoon, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer attempted to unravel the paradox.

"What we are saying is, when you are in America, you need to behave like an American, particularly if you are not American, or are Colin Powell. But when you are outside America, you should not behave like an American, unless you are not American, in which case we urge you to act American. Here I refer specifically to the NATO representatives from Germany, France, and Belgium."

The advisory, Fleischer added, applies to all Americans, including President Bush. "When the President is traveling abroad, he will only act American while aboard Air Force One or in the company of U.S. media. At all other times, he will attempt to come across as Kosovian or Grecian."

Reached for comment in Brussels, U.S. Ambassador to NATO Nicholas Burns said, "Qing wen, ren min gong yuan zai na li?"

More News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Previous Story:

Snow Miser Suspected in D.C. Snow Attack
Next Story:

Geek Horoscopes


  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

Private Krankenversicherung - Plumbing Skool - WeT HeaD Media - 411 Plumb - Cash For Green Energy - Water Heater Reviews - Above Ground Pool Repair - TREEmargo - Silver Dollar Casino

Copyright 1999-2010 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.