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Washington D.C. - Grade inflation has forced the Secretary of Education
to adopt a new grading system. Instead of using the familiar A through
F grading system schools will use the scale commonly used by bond
rating agencies: AAA through Caa.
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New
Grading System
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| AAA(+/-) |
Really,
really super excellent work |
| AA(+-) |
Really,
super excellent work |
| A(+/-) |
Excellent
skills |
| Baa(+/-) |
Incredible
achievement |
| Caa(+/-) |
The teacher
doesn't like you |
In the 1960s students rarely received A's. Most grades were in the
C and D range, but in the 1970s hyper-inflation struck and soon students
were making the honor roll at an unprecedented pace. Recently, at
one high school in New Jersey, only one B+ was given out, and the
rest were A's an A+'s. After a failed campaign of "Whip Grade
Inflation Now" buttons, the Secretary of Education finally endorsed
a national standard.
Before the new scale was established, teachers were forced to be
creative with grades above an A+. Some gave out an A++, others would
write A+ and a smiley face. The lack of standard only caused confusion
for students, who wondered what was better, a smiley face or an extra
+. The new scale should make it easier for teachers to give out accurate
grades that truly reflect the student's abilities.
Principal Stan Gerber explained, "Everyone is happy with the
new system. The students are happy, because it's not easier to get
into college. The teachers are happy because they don't have to compromise
their teaching standards. And parents are happy most of all because
they can honestly say their kid is getting straight A's."
There were many proposals for the Secretary to approve. One submittal
by the National Math Club Association was rejected, because it required
a knowledge of complex differential equations. A proposal by a parents'
organization was turned down, because its AAAAA+ through A+ scale
was considered too lenient.
The new grading system has obviated the need for the President's
recently introduced bill that would've required children to get dumber.
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