Vatican City - The Vatican has announced today that all Catholic
computer programmers must abstain from using cloning methods in Object
Oriented programming if they are to go to Heaven, stating that the
Church considers cloning an act against God. They have recently discovered
that in most Object Oriented languages it is common for objects to
be cloneable and possess a "clone()" method, which creates
an exact copy of the object.
Pope looks down on cloning
"We weren't aware that there are many programming languages
that allow cloning," stated Giorgio Panzanella, a representative
for the Vatican. "We are outraged that this cloning has been
going on for quite some time now. God created those strings and linked
lists. Who are we humans to clone them?"
"We have identified some of the languages that allow this sort
of abomination," continued Panzanella. "The first one we
found was Java, and the Pope has already issued an order to immediately
excommunicate all of Sun Microsystems' Catholic programmers. We also
found out that programming languages for the .NET framework allow
cloning, but Microsoft programmers have already sold their souls
to Bill Gates and are therefore banned from the Church, so no excommunicating
There have been reports of cloning gone bad. Antonio Miller, a Java
programmer, admitted, "I was inexperienced, and I was trying
to clone a JButton, so I made it cloneable. When I cloned it, however,
the copy of the JButton was somehow merged with the original. They
shared fonts, colors, and event listeners. The poor, wretched thing
was suffering, so I had to garbage-collect it."
The Vatican has already asked Sun Microsystems to remove the Cloneable
interface from the Java class library, and offered salvation in exchange.
In a press release, Sun has announced that it is considering replacing
the Cloneable interface with a Copyable or Duplicateable interface
in Java 1.5. Although the new Java Runtime Environment won't offer
backward compatibility with current Java software, Sun hopes to get
the Church off its back, stating that "we'd rather deal with
e-mail from angry programmers, than with angry priests picketing
outside the building."
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