Qatar - A Microsoft spokesman announced today at Central Command
in the desert of Qatar, that Microsoft recently helped the allied
war effort by donating 100,000 fully licensed copies of Windows 95
to the current Iraqi regime.
to the Iraqis, this "gift" from Microsoft is part of the
psychological warfare and infrastructure destruction campaign of
the allied forces, called Operation Red, White and Blue Screen
The copies of Windows 95 were standard copies of the software with
only one devious change.
Microsoft's VP of Marketing Marie Bixby explained, "All the
instability, and bugs that came with the original version are still
there, but as part of the psychological operations of the war, we
modified the infamous Blue Screen of Death to the more patriotic
red, white and blue. General Protection Fault will be marching all
over the Iraqi regime, and he'll be waving Old Glory."
"We have been very careful not to destroy any critical infrastructure
in Iraq," said Brigadier General Victor Hanlon. "But that
is about to change. Windows 95 will destroy the information technology
infrastructure of Iraq almost immediately. Microsoft even modified
their license agreement to allow Iraqis to copy the software onto
multiple computers without further licensing requirements."
Experts agreed that the Iraqi people will not be able to resist
such powerful imagery. Retired programmer Yvette Keeling said, "Using
Windows 95 will be very frustrating for Hussein and his henchmen.
He'll be typing up military orders then BAM, the system will crash
and the flag will be flying in his face. I wouldn't be surprised
if he surrendered right then and there."
The Iraqi government was suspicious of the deal, but accepted the
donation when Microsoft showed them the powerful land mine removal
Ambassadors from France decried the move as a violation of the Geneva
Convention and stated that, "no regime or people, no matter
how evil, should be subjected to such tortures."
Microsoft did not receive payment from the US government as part
of the operation, but does hope to profit by offering upgrades to
Windows XP after the war has ended.
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