Mar 21 - Apr 19
It may take a few more beers before you can get through those "pockets of
Apr 20 - May 20
We've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that your job has been outsourced
to Bombay. The good news is that there's nothing to prevent you from getting
in line for The Return of the King now.
May 21 - June 21
You'll discover that working through lunch does not qualify you for humanitarian
June 22 - July 22
Seriously, your head is filled with poop.
July 23 - Aug 22
Better lay low for a while. Your fan fiction story based on the cast of Family
Matters has made you a target of the FBI Sex Crimes division.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
The cucumber in the pants trick will not lead to the "shock and awe" reaction
your were expecting. Luckily, grandma has been taking her heart medication.
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Helpful Greeting Tip #476: It is not clever to greet your friend by asking "How's
your wife and my kids?"
Oct 24 - Nov 21
A steady diet of fast food lunches has saved you some money. Sadly, only because
you lost some spare change in your stomach folds.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Toppling a statue of Bill Gates is not as symbolic as the toppling of the statue
of Hussein. Especially if you built the Bill Gates statue. Out of rice.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your excuse that you're staying late at the office so you can do office work
becomes even less believable when you show up wearing your "I'd rather
be fraggin'" T-Shirt.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
A large portion of your week will be spent contemplating why anyone would want
a key for Windows 2003 Server.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
A slip in the bathtub will supply you with the vision to use The Phantom Menace
for a DVD powered vacuum.